Even Now
by Felicia
Summary: What if Catherine and Kemper hadn't returned and the explorers left the Plateau via the secret passages Marguerite opened and everything occurred just as Catherine said it would? How would Marguerite say goodbye to the man she loved?


Even Now  
By Felicia Ferguson  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Time After Time   
  
Summary: What if Catherine and Kemper hadn't returned and the explorers left the Plateau via the secret passages Marguerite opened and everything occurred just as Catherine said it would? How would Marguerite say goodbye to the man she loved?   
  
Author's Notes: I've wanted to write an angst piece for M/R for a long time, so consider yourself duly warned, this is it! Also, I haven't decided if I want to add to this one yet or not, so bear with me. Once Greener Pastures is finished, who knows?  
  
  
1/1  
  
Marguerite Krux brushed a stray tear from her eye as she smiled softly down at the headstone. Caressing the cold marble, she traced the outline of the name carved into the front. "I'm so sorry. I know I tell you that every time I come here, but I am sorry. For so many things."  
  
She tilted her head back, trying to stop the tears that were now flowing unchecked, just as they always did when she stopped there. Kneeling in the wet grass, careful of the potential stains on her white dress, she laid the bouquet of red roses she had brought on the ground under the name. Twelve perfectly formed buds gleamed in the sunlight, the dew on the petals shining like her tears.   
  
It was 1922 and the Challenger Expedition had returned to London almost two years earlier. Marguerite, herself, had been the heroine having found the secret passage of tunnels back to civilization. Soon after they had triumphantly sailed up the Thames, an awful, harrowing plague swept England and later the rest of the world, killing millions, including all of the explorers but herself.   
  
No one knew how or why the disease spread so rapidly and killed as many as it had, but to Marguerite, more than a nameless plague would serve as a reminder of her loss. She now awoke every morning feeling a deep ache where her heart should have been. She had brought the man she loved home only to watch him die a few months later. All her dreams of their future lay shattered at the foot of the grave over which she now knelt.   
  
"John," she managed to choke out through the tears. She took in a deep cleansing breath and forced herself to speak the words she dreaded. "I'm getting married."  
  
The light breeze ruffled her dark curls slightly, but there was no other response. 'Did you really expect one?' mocked an inner voice. "I don't love him...my heart was and still is yours...but I need his protection, now that you're gone...the disease has ravaged so many that I've received death threats...people lashing out at me because I'm rich and famous." She bit back a harsh bark of laughter. "Isn't that nice and ironic, John?   
  
"You must be wondering who the groom is. It's Richard. I told you about him the last time I was here. He is a nice man and I know I can make him happy. But John, if fate had chosen differently...if damn, *fickle* fate could have let *me* be happy for once, it would have allowed you to live. For *us* to marry.  
  
"No matter what happens, nothing will change the fact that I need you. I still dream of you even though it's been years since you've been gone. I wake up reaching for you. I see your smile, I hear your laugh and I turn around, but it's not you. You're only there when I close my eyes. I can feel the memory of you, yet I can't feel *you*. Do you know what kind of torture that is?   
  
"Damn you, Roxton, how could you go and di---" a fresh wave of tears broke her words. It had been two years, and she still could not bear to speak the word aloud. Could not admit that he was truly gone forever and wouldn't return. She had been there at his bedside until the last holding his hand and promising that he would be alright. That damnable man, honorable to the end, had wiped her tears and sworn with his dying breath that he loved her and would always watch over her.   
  
A soft hand squeezed her shoulder and she nodded at the reminder. It was time to go. Raising her fingers to her lips, she kissed them and then pressed the moistened tips to the letters of his name. "I love you, John Roxton," she whispered as she rose and brushed the loose blades of grass from her wedding dress. "Even now."  
  
  
[end]  
  
  
  
Even Now  
  
Even now...I remember all the empty spaces   
You filled with love  
Even now...every corner of the world we shared  
Is still filled with love  
Even now...not a day goes by  
When I don't ache for you  
Through all my tears I still hear your laughter even now  
  
Stars still shine when they're gone  
Hearts that break will still beat on  
Letting go's the hardest thing to do  
'Cause all those feelings start  
And time can't change my heart  
It all leads back to you  
  
Even now...you are in my dreams and in my dreams  
You always will be  
Even now...you're the one true thing that brings my heart  
Back home to me  
When I'm scared...I can close my eyes  
You are there...Ever young  
And somehow, I can always find you even now  
  
From all the memories kept inside  
To all the dreams we knew, the rush of you  
Will always be a part of me  
  
Even now...you are in my dreams and in my dreams  
You always will be  
Even now...you're the one true thing that brings my heart  
Back home here to me  
Even now...in my darkest night  
Still you shine silver light  
So I fall through forever with you even now  
  
  
  
Words and Music by Frank Wildhorn and Jack Murphy  
Arranged by Linda Eder and Jeremy Roberts  
From the CD "It's No Secret Anymore" by Linda Eder  
  
  
Note: Linda Eder is a tremendous singer and just reading the lyrics does not do this song justice. Please go listen to the CD! 


End file.
